1. Entire team drops their pants on the sidelines
2. Run around doing the Bull Dance like in Happy Gilmore
3. Entire team run across the field, grab a Florida player, kiss him on the ear and say "YES!"
4. Shave their heads right there on the sidelines
5. Trade places with the band
6. Shotgun a beer
7. Carry Richt off the field like they just won the National Championship
8. Go for 2, run the play that we used to run where the 2 receivers run the other way - have Stafford throw an 80 yard bomb to Massaquoi as he streaks down the sideline toward the Fla end zone. When he gets to the 1 yard line, turn around and run back the other way, lateraling back and forth like it was the last play in the Cal/Stanford game
9. Knowshon aims his finger at every player like a gun and, one by one they fall down as he shoots them
10. Tear down the goalpost
Monday, October 27, 2008
Top 10 Glenda Demands
You may not know it, but my mom is having major reconstructive surgery on her foot and will require the assistance of a home nurse for the next few months. Inasmuch as Nick would love to have this job, she is hiring a caregiver/nurse. She presented the following list of requirements to the agency:
1. Can not have darker skin than hers
2. Can not be a smoker, or have ever smoked
3. Must speak English as a first language
3a. Does not want a "fat ass" that cannot even take care of herself
I don't know why I posted this - I suppose I just want someone to know why I am so screwed up.
1. Can not have darker skin than hers
2. Can not be a smoker, or have ever smoked
3. Must speak English as a first language
3a. Does not want a "fat ass" that cannot even take care of herself
I don't know why I posted this - I suppose I just want someone to know why I am so screwed up.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Scott's Top 10 Things To Look Forward To In An Obama Presidency
I wish this were a joke, but unfortunately the joke may soon be on all of us...
If Obama wins and the libs have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, here's what we will see next year:
1. War crimes trials for Bush Administration officials for the Iraq Ear, Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, Patriot Act, etc
2. Carbon Tax to fight global warming, raising gas prices a dollar; including remote control heating and AC where the government can slow down your consumption of energy if you are using too much and heating the planet
3. Reinstatement of offshore drilling ban thus increasing gas prices another dollar (which would be $5)
4. Socialized health care, but the first people in line will be illegal immigrants and poor people. We'll be waiting in line behind them. Good doctors will flee and we'll have to import them from the Third World (like they do in the UK and Canada)
5. Increased taxes....we'll pay an additional $75K a year in taxes
6. Jobs programs that are really welfare payments to inner city blacks and poor people
7. Inflation caused by the increased spending, thus making all of us poorer
8. 3 Supreme Court appointments of people like Ginsberg so you can kiss any strict constructionist interpretation of the Constitution goodbye
9. Jam-packed Federal Judiciary and Bureaucracy with Libs who will control our lives from the bench
10. Freedom Act to ban conservative radio shows that don't provide equal time to libs
If Obama wins and the libs have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, here's what we will see next year:
1. War crimes trials for Bush Administration officials for the Iraq Ear, Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, Patriot Act, etc
2. Carbon Tax to fight global warming, raising gas prices a dollar; including remote control heating and AC where the government can slow down your consumption of energy if you are using too much and heating the planet
3. Reinstatement of offshore drilling ban thus increasing gas prices another dollar (which would be $5)
4. Socialized health care, but the first people in line will be illegal immigrants and poor people. We'll be waiting in line behind them. Good doctors will flee and we'll have to import them from the Third World (like they do in the UK and Canada)
5. Increased taxes....we'll pay an additional $75K a year in taxes
6. Jobs programs that are really welfare payments to inner city blacks and poor people
7. Inflation caused by the increased spending, thus making all of us poorer
8. 3 Supreme Court appointments of people like Ginsberg so you can kiss any strict constructionist interpretation of the Constitution goodbye
9. Jam-packed Federal Judiciary and Bureaucracy with Libs who will control our lives from the bench
10. Freedom Act to ban conservative radio shows that don't provide equal time to libs
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Top 10 Reasons I Should be President:
OK, this is not a Top 10 list, but instead just my position. When my kids are older and our country has made it through whatever we throw at her, I want them to know how their dad stood back when it was legal to disagree with our government and still be patriotic. Though this is well thought, it is not well-edited. Before I actually run for president, I will smooth the edges a bit.
I hear about how no one wants more of the same, but if by more of the same, you mean more of the same rolling it in from 2000-2006 I want more of that. Let's not forget that (coincidentally or not) the big problems economically started late in 2006, early 2007 - right after the congress turned left. But I will keep politics out of this as best I can.
You have to be kidding me if you think that spending less in the Middle East will help the economy. First of all, where are all of those soldiers going to work when they get home? No problem, let's just pay them to do nothing, instead of spreading democracy and fighting for our continued freedom which is what they are getting paid to do and what EVERY one of them signed up to do.
"There ain't no draft no more..." "There was one???"
I'll tell you what will help the economy. GET OUT OF MY WALLET. Go to a Fairtax where I pay when I spend. A consumption tax is the only way to tax people fairly - Go ahead, take the money from the business owners - give it to the lazy people around this country that live in cities below sea level. 5 years later it will be right back into the same hands again because success is not luck, and it's not an accident. Successful people do what no one else wants to do, when no one else wants to do it and for as long as it takes to get what they want. I am so sick and tired of this redistribute crap, this "patriotic" taxpayer crap. I'm patriotic, I don't mind paying taxes, but make it fair and make the government work off of a fair rate - an even rate. Jesus can get by on 10%. Give the poorest of the poor a fighting chance and leave the underemployed and those uninterested in employment alone. Here is the reality - in a free, capitolist society there will and should be people who eat at Longhorn every night and there should be people who eat baloney sandwiches every night (yes baloney, not balogna - baloney is $1.29 a pack and it's made by Oscar Meyer, bologna comes from the deli, is made by Boar's Head and costs $3.00 a pound) . Life is not even - socialism is. Life is not fair, kindergarten is. Life is not sitting around doing nothing while someone else works - that's called being a wife (holy crap did I really just say that out loud - that is a joke and I just couldn't resist) "Tax the evil corporations" - what a dumb idea. Only fools don't understand that corporations don't pay taxes - the people who BUY from them pay the taxes. If you raise our taxes at MetalBank, I will simply raise our prices and Boeing and McDonnell Douglas, and the Fed Govt will pay more and they will have to raise taxes even more. OR - novel concept, we could be reasonable, let me keep my paycheck, let me keep our profits - spend them on machinery (made in the US), spend them on more inventory, pay my employees more, buy their health care, etc. Excess profits tax??? Are you serious? In excess of what? Who thinks that setting a limit on profits will do anything but create a HUGE disincentive for these companies to grow. No way - upper management will do whatever it takes to maintain a "reasonable" profit so as to stay under the radar of excess. This includes shutting down an assembly line, laying off workers, or raising their salaries to increase expenses. As my granddad used to say - the government will NEVER give you something without first taking something away. The only difference between that and what is happening now is that they have the nerve to give something to someone else after first taking it from me. Hey government - defend my country, maintain the infrastructure, control crime and keep our environment clean, but get out of my wallet and don't tell me how to spend 75% of my money - you can have the rest - really, I don't mind. That brings me to the point of this post.
If I were running for president:
My tax policy would be this:
1. 25% of what you make - send it in (I want a Fairtax, but baby steps...) No back tax, front tax, side tax, payroll tax, no deductions, no exemptions, nothing. If you make nothing, you pay nothing, if you rake, you pay rake x .25. Hey, I love deductions, I have 5 of them - but the only way to unemploy the 35000 lobbyists in Washington DC is to make the tax code firm - nothing to negotiate means nothing to lobby for. This is where I put my perverbial money where my mouth is. By the way, so as to not increase unemployment, I have a job for these 35000, but more on that later.
2. We actually collect the taxes - if you are behind on taxes you do not:
a) vote
b) renew your drivers license
c) use our court system
d) apply for unemployment or social security
3. If you cannot afford to pay your taxes, grab a shovel - you are now in with the guys in #2 below (stay with me)
My foreign policy is this:
1. Defend based upon the recommendations of the Generals/Admirals/Colonels who have given a lifetime in service to earn their stars/stripes/bars/whatever they have on their uniform. If they say we stay in Iraq, we stay in Iraq. If they say we cannot win, we leave, if they say we need more time - fine by me. Are we really so impatient that we cannot even see through the disposition of a dictator that killed at a greater rate than Hitler. We cannot abide ethnic cleansing in Darfur, but Saddam's little race and religion-improvement project should be ignored. Good thing we left germany the year after we stromed the beach at Normandy - wouldn't want to overstay our welcome... oh, wait. That's right, we never left. Ever heard of Ramstein AFB? How about Okinawa? Consider this truth: After the Japanese surrender in World War II, the United States Armed Forces acquired the overall administrative authority in Japan. All of the Japanese Imperial Army and Navy were decommissioned and all of their military bases were taken over by the United States Armed Forces.
Anyone have a problem with this policy that is going on 60 years? But some say, Iraq didn't attack our country on September 11, 2001. That's right, nor did Germany bomb Pearl Harbor, but how many Americans can argue with the success of our military plan of June 6, 1944? Like I said, whatever it takes. Resolve is not easy and usually neither is winning. But you know what's harder than winning? Learning how to speak German, Japanese or Arabic. And I would look just plain stupid with a turban. But I digress.
My domestic policy is this:
1. To vote you must show ID - if you have no ID then you are hiding from something. If you have a job and are behind on taxes, you do not vote.
2. Welfare last 3 years - after that, you work for the government - pave a road, build a bridge, clean a river, whatever - just follow the guys in stripes, because...
3. Prisoners work for 12 hours and sleep for 12 hours (I mean work in that they are not in their cell, they are being productive). This way, every single cell houses 2 inmates - Convict 1 gets up, goes to work and at the same time Convict 2 comes in from work and goes to bed. (picture a "morning Sam, morning Ralph" scenario). Prison overcrowding solved - we now have double the space. BTW - death row guys get 24/7 cells - no phone, no outside, Lillian.
I am one of those fear-mongering republicans because I am afraid of a US led by Obama, Pelosi, Reid, etc. And if you ever want to make something and keep it, you should be too. I understand where lazy, uneducated people are coming from, but I cannot understand all of the educated people who make money and pay taxes want to pay more and want to take care of a class and a generation of people who will NEVER be pleased. i.e.: welfare folks who complain about the condition of their free house and the limited list of items that are available to buy with food stamps. I just don't understand why anyone would choose to put our government, in all of it's inefficient glory, in control of more.
Why this post? Why now? Not sure, I just needed to get this out into the world.
I hear about how no one wants more of the same, but if by more of the same, you mean more of the same rolling it in from 2000-2006 I want more of that. Let's not forget that (coincidentally or not) the big problems economically started late in 2006, early 2007 - right after the congress turned left. But I will keep politics out of this as best I can.
You have to be kidding me if you think that spending less in the Middle East will help the economy. First of all, where are all of those soldiers going to work when they get home? No problem, let's just pay them to do nothing, instead of spreading democracy and fighting for our continued freedom which is what they are getting paid to do and what EVERY one of them signed up to do.
"There ain't no draft no more..." "There was one???"
I'll tell you what will help the economy. GET OUT OF MY WALLET. Go to a Fairtax where I pay when I spend. A consumption tax is the only way to tax people fairly - Go ahead, take the money from the business owners - give it to the lazy people around this country that live in cities below sea level. 5 years later it will be right back into the same hands again because success is not luck, and it's not an accident. Successful people do what no one else wants to do, when no one else wants to do it and for as long as it takes to get what they want. I am so sick and tired of this redistribute crap, this "patriotic" taxpayer crap. I'm patriotic, I don't mind paying taxes, but make it fair and make the government work off of a fair rate - an even rate. Jesus can get by on 10%. Give the poorest of the poor a fighting chance and leave the underemployed and those uninterested in employment alone. Here is the reality - in a free, capitolist society there will and should be people who eat at Longhorn every night and there should be people who eat baloney sandwiches every night (yes baloney, not balogna - baloney is $1.29 a pack and it's made by Oscar Meyer, bologna comes from the deli, is made by Boar's Head and costs $3.00 a pound) . Life is not even - socialism is. Life is not fair, kindergarten is. Life is not sitting around doing nothing while someone else works - that's called being a wife (holy crap did I really just say that out loud - that is a joke and I just couldn't resist) "Tax the evil corporations" - what a dumb idea. Only fools don't understand that corporations don't pay taxes - the people who BUY from them pay the taxes. If you raise our taxes at MetalBank, I will simply raise our prices and Boeing and McDonnell Douglas, and the Fed Govt will pay more and they will have to raise taxes even more. OR - novel concept, we could be reasonable, let me keep my paycheck, let me keep our profits - spend them on machinery (made in the US), spend them on more inventory, pay my employees more, buy their health care, etc. Excess profits tax??? Are you serious? In excess of what? Who thinks that setting a limit on profits will do anything but create a HUGE disincentive for these companies to grow. No way - upper management will do whatever it takes to maintain a "reasonable" profit so as to stay under the radar of excess. This includes shutting down an assembly line, laying off workers, or raising their salaries to increase expenses. As my granddad used to say - the government will NEVER give you something without first taking something away. The only difference between that and what is happening now is that they have the nerve to give something to someone else after first taking it from me. Hey government - defend my country, maintain the infrastructure, control crime and keep our environment clean, but get out of my wallet and don't tell me how to spend 75% of my money - you can have the rest - really, I don't mind. That brings me to the point of this post.
If I were running for president:
My tax policy would be this:
1. 25% of what you make - send it in (I want a Fairtax, but baby steps...) No back tax, front tax, side tax, payroll tax, no deductions, no exemptions, nothing. If you make nothing, you pay nothing, if you rake, you pay rake x .25. Hey, I love deductions, I have 5 of them - but the only way to unemploy the 35000 lobbyists in Washington DC is to make the tax code firm - nothing to negotiate means nothing to lobby for. This is where I put my perverbial money where my mouth is. By the way, so as to not increase unemployment, I have a job for these 35000, but more on that later.
2. We actually collect the taxes - if you are behind on taxes you do not:
a) vote
b) renew your drivers license
c) use our court system
d) apply for unemployment or social security
3. If you cannot afford to pay your taxes, grab a shovel - you are now in with the guys in #2 below (stay with me)
My foreign policy is this:
1. Defend based upon the recommendations of the Generals/Admirals/Colonels who have given a lifetime in service to earn their stars/stripes/bars/whatever they have on their uniform. If they say we stay in Iraq, we stay in Iraq. If they say we cannot win, we leave, if they say we need more time - fine by me. Are we really so impatient that we cannot even see through the disposition of a dictator that killed at a greater rate than Hitler. We cannot abide ethnic cleansing in Darfur, but Saddam's little race and religion-improvement project should be ignored. Good thing we left germany the year after we stromed the beach at Normandy - wouldn't want to overstay our welcome... oh, wait. That's right, we never left. Ever heard of Ramstein AFB? How about Okinawa? Consider this truth: After the Japanese surrender in World War II, the United States Armed Forces acquired the overall administrative authority in Japan. All of the Japanese Imperial Army and Navy were decommissioned and all of their military bases were taken over by the United States Armed Forces.
Anyone have a problem with this policy that is going on 60 years? But some say, Iraq didn't attack our country on September 11, 2001. That's right, nor did Germany bomb Pearl Harbor, but how many Americans can argue with the success of our military plan of June 6, 1944? Like I said, whatever it takes. Resolve is not easy and usually neither is winning. But you know what's harder than winning? Learning how to speak German, Japanese or Arabic. And I would look just plain stupid with a turban. But I digress.
My domestic policy is this:
1. To vote you must show ID - if you have no ID then you are hiding from something. If you have a job and are behind on taxes, you do not vote.
2. Welfare last 3 years - after that, you work for the government - pave a road, build a bridge, clean a river, whatever - just follow the guys in stripes, because...
3. Prisoners work for 12 hours and sleep for 12 hours (I mean work in that they are not in their cell, they are being productive). This way, every single cell houses 2 inmates - Convict 1 gets up, goes to work and at the same time Convict 2 comes in from work and goes to bed. (picture a "morning Sam, morning Ralph" scenario). Prison overcrowding solved - we now have double the space. BTW - death row guys get 24/7 cells - no phone, no outside, Lillian.
I am one of those fear-mongering republicans because I am afraid of a US led by Obama, Pelosi, Reid, etc. And if you ever want to make something and keep it, you should be too. I understand where lazy, uneducated people are coming from, but I cannot understand all of the educated people who make money and pay taxes want to pay more and want to take care of a class and a generation of people who will NEVER be pleased. i.e.: welfare folks who complain about the condition of their free house and the limited list of items that are available to buy with food stamps. I just don't understand why anyone would choose to put our government, in all of it's inefficient glory, in control of more.
Why this post? Why now? Not sure, I just needed to get this out into the world.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Top 10 Better Titles for Larry Flynt's Movie About Sarah Palin
1. Drill, Baby, Drill
2. From Wasilla to The North Pole
2. From Wasilla to The North Pole
Early Predictions For Sat, Oct 18
Here is how I see it for Oct 18th.
#1, 2, or 3 will lose. But don't expect it to be as easy as Missouri beats Texas and restores order to the Big 12. Expect lowly Michigan to rise up in Beaver Stadium - coincidentally played in Happy Valley...
Alabama and Texas should be OK. For now...
That's right - you heard it here first. Alabama will lose at UT on Oct 25 (and again in November at LSU, but that's a story for another day)
Other games: (the ones that matter)
LSU @ South Carolina: LSU walks
BYU @ TCU: BYU struggles, but wins (no, this game really doesn't matter, but I included it because I think TCU may actually pull off an upset)
Tech @ Clemson: who gives a crap? Clemson with a late FG.
Vandy @ UGA: UGA by 3 td's (at least)
Ole Miss @ Alabama: Easy day for Alabama
Missouri @ Texas: Texas (don't worry, they'll get theirs in a few weeks)
#1, 2, or 3 will lose. But don't expect it to be as easy as Missouri beats Texas and restores order to the Big 12. Expect lowly Michigan to rise up in Beaver Stadium - coincidentally played in Happy Valley...
Alabama and Texas should be OK. For now...
That's right - you heard it here first. Alabama will lose at UT on Oct 25 (and again in November at LSU, but that's a story for another day)
Other games: (the ones that matter)
LSU @ South Carolina: LSU walks
BYU @ TCU: BYU struggles, but wins (no, this game really doesn't matter, but I included it because I think TCU may actually pull off an upset)
Tech @ Clemson: who gives a crap? Clemson with a late FG.
Vandy @ UGA: UGA by 3 td's (at least)
Ole Miss @ Alabama: Easy day for Alabama
Missouri @ Texas: Texas (don't worry, they'll get theirs in a few weeks)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Meatballs Is Back!
That's right - after 108 days of comedic blackout, I'm pretty sure it's time to get back to the business of meatballs. I have no post for now - but might I suggest going back through the past few pages to get yourself in the mood and to remember what you were missing.
It's nice to be back - almost.
It's nice to be back - almost.
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